The Cognitive Load of Holiday Stress
- Kristin Keough Williams
- Nov 25, 2025
- 7 min read
Updated: Dec 30, 2025
A Guide to Navigating and Letting Go of Typical Holiday Stressors
The Unseen Weight of the "Most Wonderful Time"
The holiday season is often touted as a time of joy, connection, and effortless festivity. Yet, for many individuals, this period marks a profound peak in logistical chaos and emotional strain, creating a significant dissonance between expectation and reality. The sheer volume of responsibilities such as shopping, hosting, coordinating travel, and navigating complex family dynamics, transforms the season into a challenging test of patience. The resulting stress is not merely a momentary emotional state but more a challenge to the brain and body to cope and function in a healthy way.
The Cognitive Basis of Holiday Stress: Executive Overload
The intense demands of the holiday season place an unprecedented burden on the brain’s executive functions, a set of mental skills governed by the prefrontal cortex. These critical skills include managing time, planning, organizing, remembering details, and switching focus between tasks. While individuals perform these activities daily, they are in even greater demand during the holidays. The heightened necessity to keep track of a multitude of competing responsibilities often drives the prefrontal cortex into overdrive. The sustained high demands on these functions can lead to detrimental effects over time, including decreased memory function, increased fatigue, and a higher susceptibility to catching those holiday bugs.
Tap Into Your Mental Flexibility
Navigating the holidays successfully relies heavily on a skill called "shifting set," which is your brain's ability to quickly change your mental plan or approach when things don't go as expected. During the holiday season, with all its travel, unexpected delays, and complicated family dynamics, we are constantly forced to switch strategies, such as enjoying a good meal to then having to problem-solve a sudden issue. When our brain is already tired from all the holiday demands, this ability to adapt quickly gets weaker, making small frustrations feel huge. Recognizing this kind of stress as a mental overload helps us focus less on reacting to external problems and more on strengthening our internal ability to stay flexible and manage our minds.
The Data Behind Travel Distress: Quantifying and Validating Holiday Strain
The pervasive feeling of being overwhelmed during the festive season is not isolated; it is a shared statistical experience. According to a 2023 survey conducted by the American Psychological Association (APA), 89% of people reported an increase of concerns during the holidays, 43% said that the stress of the holidays interferes with their ability to enjoy them, and 36% said the holidays feel like a competition. These high percentages underline that distress is a common response to seasonal demands.
Consider what causes you stress during the holidays, and perhaps try using at least one of the strategies below to help you navigate them (in a separate blog I’ll address some of the other stressors experienced during the holidays such as gift giving).
The Specific Burden of Travel Anxiety
Travel introduces a unique acute layer of stress often rooted in uncertainty and a profound loss of control. Data reveals that travel logistics are a major source of anxiety as shown in one study that showed that take-off and landing were a perceived source of anxiety for about 40% of respondents, flight delays for over 50%, and customs and baggage reclaim for a third of individuals (PubMed, 1998).
The high anxiety rate associated with flight delays is particularly revealing. Travel delays embody external chaos and unpredictability, serving as a powerful trigger for individuals who rely on executive function and planning for stability. This data suggests that successful stress management during travel must focus on accepting uncertainty and managing the body’s physiological response rather than trying to exert control over unmanageable external circumstances.
The Critical Distinction: Plan vs. Worry During the Holiday Season
Decades of research have shown that while anticipating negative outcomes can be useful for generating skillful decisions, getting stuck in a cycle of rehearsing potential catastrophes (worrying) is psychologically damaging.
Worrying (Rumination) is characterized by dwelling on negative possibilities, "what if" scenarios, without generating any new solution or action plan. It is a drain on internal resources, often leaving individuals unable to start tasks or make necessary decisions. For example, worrying about a travel delay or the plane breaking down.
Productive Planning, on the other hand, involves using the anticipatory mind to create realistic buffers and backup protocols. This approach acknowledges that things might go wrong (traffic jams, delays) and generates actionable strategies to alleviate stress or guilt. For instance, planning might involve-adding an extra hour to your travel time estimate to account for traffic, using technology to help with travel planning, or keeping all your essentials in a carry-on bag, thereby reducing stress when delays occurs. This distinction is vital because planning utilizes your brain’s executive functioning effectively, whereas worrying depletes it.
Check out Dr. Daniel Levitin's Ted Talk on: "How to stay calm when you know you'll be stressed," and developing a premortem for stressful situations.
Mindful Strategies for Delays (Acceptance and Grounding)
Despite the best planning, travel plans will inevitably go awry during peak holiday periods. When this occurs, our focus must shift from fixing the external problem (which is often out of one's hands) to regulating our internal emotional state. The “what can I control” mindset.
The least frustrating and healthy approach you can take is Acceptance. Acknowledge that travel delays are outside your personal control and resisting them only increases psychological stress. Mindful strategies will keep your awareness in the present moment rather than allowing external chaos to generate internal panic. Consider trying these stress relieving strategies:
Focus on the Breath: Use slow, deep breaths such as box breathing (inhale for for a count of 4, hold for four 4, exhale for 4, pause for 4) to calm the nervous system. Noticing the sensation of the breath entering and leaving the body, calms the nervous system and improves awareness.
Practice Gratitude and Compassion: Reflect on positive aspects, such as the ability to travel or the kindness of others encountered during the journey. Additionally, extend patience and empathy to fellow travelers, who are likely experiencing similar stressors and frustrations.
Embracing Curiosity: Use the delay as an unexpected opportunity. Engage the senses by people watching, exploring the terminal shops or restaurants, or trying a new activity, such as one of the airport massage chairs. This practice disrupts the loop of anxious rumination and engages attention in the immediate physical environment.
Interpersonal Resilience: Navigating Family Conflict and Setting Boundaries
One of the most intense psychological demands of the holidays is navigating the interpersonal dynamics of family. For many, the expectation of forced proximity and the possibility of confrontation become major stressors. The belief that the holidays will magically transform difficult relationships can be a significant source of disappointment and stress. Unfortunately, it’s important to recognize that individuals do not suddenly change behavior simply because it is a holiday (sorry Scrooge). If a difficult relative has consistently criticized your appearance or political choices for years, expecting them to stop is unrealistic. It’s therefore crucial to accept that difficult moments (and triggers) will occur. Then decide beforehand how to manage how you want to respond to them.
Consider these proactive strategies and make a plan...
Set Limits on Time and Energy: Planning involves deciding ahead of time the duration of stays, which events will be attended, and, critically, when breaks will be taken. This pre-commitment helps manage energy and reduces the cognitive strain of making difficult decisions under pressure. If you need an inner escape try my YouTube video: Your Winter Sanctuary: A Deeply Relaxing Visualization for Sleep & Calm https://youtu.be/q2JQm0Yk5AI
Assertive Communication: Boundaries must be communicated clearly by defining what is needed for comfort and enjoyment. It is essential to stand firmly on these limits without becoming aggressive or defensive, remembering that boundaries define personal needs, not critiques of others.
Prioritize Self-Care: Effective boundary setting is impossible without a foundation of self-care. Prioritizing adequate sleep, movement, and quiet time before and after family events ensures the body and mind remain regulated. You won’t be able to have fun or manage the stressors if you feel burned out so it’s important to think about what you need to feel at ease.
Active Coping and Allyship: Physical activity acts as a powerful remedy for stress and anxiety. Scheduling a walk before or after meals or joining in family-friendly activities that require concentration or movement, makes it difficult to become drawn into arguments or conflict (Twister, anyone?). Finding a trusted ally such as a supportive friend or family member who understands the dynamics allows for emotional support and mutual check-ins, fulfilling the need for external validation during high-stress interactions. Lastly, consider talking to a therapist if you suffer from travel or holiday stress. Accelerated Resolution Therapy and Hypnotherapy are particularly effective for travel stress and fears of flying.
Build Your Coping Kit (Sensory Grounding): A stress travel kit, often referred to as a coping kit, helps with sensory grounding and rapidly interrupts an escalating anxiety response. The underlying principle is that engaging your five senses can swiftly redirect the nervous system state away from racing thoughts and rumination and toward the present environment. For travel, it is important to select items that engage your senses, are small enough to travel with, make you feel good, and help you manage your stress.
Tactile (Touch): Grounding items such as stress tactile toys, fidget spinners, a stuffed animal, or a small soft blanket or pillow can create comfort and positive distraction. I recently learned about the newest version of the stress ball, NeeDoh, which is colorful and fun to squish.
Scent (Aromatherapy): The sense of smell is powerfully linked to emotion and memory. Scented hand sanitizer (serving the dual purpose of hygiene and aromatherapy), peppermint mints (helps with smell and taste), or essential oil rollers (such as lavender).
Taste (Oral): Strong flavors provide immediate, intense sensory distraction. Flavored candies, cinnamon gum, or sour candies can interrupt a racing mind and provide grounding. A small amount of sugar could also temporarily boost the happy chemicals.
Mental/Visual: Mental aids can include coping cue cards, calming images stored on your phone, a catch your attention book, a digital game, or a favorite downloaded movie.
Auditory: Consider downloading a book, listening to calming music or white noise, using a meditation app such as Calm, putting in air buds to block out noise, or listening to my YouTube mindfulness meditation video on staying calm and managing travel stress. Travel Stress Relief: A Mindful Meditation Journey for Going With The Flow During Your Holiday: https://youtu.be/PjHPWpgeXao
Remember, whether you are overcoming a travel delay or navigating a difficult conversation, you can develop resilience and life skills that will serve you well long after the holidays conclude. Lastly, and perhaps most important, is to practice self-compassion. Acknowledge and accept difficult feelings, recognize that seeking help is a sign of strength, and be patient and gentle with oneself throughout the season. So decide now what can you practice this year to make your holidays a little happier, and ultimately, I wish you-Happy Holidays, and to all, A good flight.
Sources:
American Psychological Association (2023)
PubMed (1998)
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