Stress-Less During the Holidays
- Kristin Keough Williams
- 18 hours ago
- 7 min read
How to Win the Season Without Crying in a Closet
If you read my last blog on holiday travel and the joyful chaos of family time, you may need an extra glass of holiday punch. Although the holidays may be “magical,” the burdens of perfectionism can seem heavier than Santa’s present bag. So, let’s take a lighter look at the holiday woes, which includes money leaving your bank account faster than Santa’s reindeer can run, your kitchen becomes a war zone, and you realize your goal of the perfect holiday experience is likely going to land you in a fetal position under the tree. But fear not, let’s leave the scares for Halloween because you can manage the seasonal madness without becoming a polar bear who was deprived of his Christmas Coca Cola.
Managing Expectations: Your Wallet and Your Sanity
Let's be honest there can be pressure to decorate your social media posts with picture-perfect holiday events or buy your loved ones the perfect gift. The mental load of planning can drain your brain faster than a toddler unwraps a present. The solution? Stop trying to be a one-person event planner and embrace the low-effort lifestyle.
Limiting Commitments (Just Say "No" and Lie Down): Recognize that attending every single party, function, and distant cousin's candy cane mixer is not mandatory. If the thought of putting on pants for a distant acquaintance's potluck makes you twitch, politely decline. Allow yourself to enjoy your time off from work, and conserve your precious time and energy for what is truly essential (like watching holiday movies in a food coma).
Delegation and Realistic Ambition (The Anti-Perfection Protocol): That extensive "to-do" list? It’s time to delegate! If your family lives here too, ask them to help. The cookies might look lopsided, and the centerpiece might be a bowl of lemons, but it's done. Christmas cards? If they seem more like a burden than a way of connecting with family and friends, consider leaving them in a drawer this year.
Avoid overly ambitious projects. No one truly needs ten different types of pies or an entire yard of lights. In fact, people are surprisingly flexible. We are now in a glorious age where nearly half of us get holiday recipes from online and social media. This means we are all just a quick Google search away from being okay with a slightly unconventional main course and we can always watch "The Great Christmas Light Fight" for other people’s spectacular holiday displays.
Flexibility Over Fixation (The Anti-Control Freak Method): A key psychological strategy is to burn that rigid and fixed vision of how the holidays should proceed. That perfect, magazine-ready moment is a myth. Holding onto that unrealistic expectation guarantees a breakdown the moment a minor issue arises, like when your uncle spills red wine on your pristine white rug. The key is practicing cognitive flexibility (being flexible in your thinking). If the main course burns, order pizza (Hey-pizza sauce with green peppers is Christmasy). If the flight is delayed, have fun “people watching.” If you adapt, you win. If you stress, you’ll suffer. Don't let the inner Grinch steal your Christmas fun.
The Stress Management Toolkit: Turning Off the Holiday Alarm Bells
When the stress hits and you feel your nervous system running faster than Santa’s reindeer, you need immediate, evidence-based tools to calm the inner snow storm.
Check out these tried-and-true tips:
Activating Your Internal Calm Switch: The Power of the Exhale
Structured breathwork is the fastest way to drop your anxiety from a 10 to a manageable 4. It works because you are literally pressing the "off" switch on your body's "fight-or-flight" response via the Vagus Nerve (the main information superhighway controlling everything from your heart rate to your mood). Check out one of my recent blogs for more information about this response and different ways of breathing: https://www.drklifetherapy.com/post/why-you-re-so-tense
Sleep: The Ultimate Escape Button
When the holidays are in full swing-between the forced small talk, the endless cooking, the anxiety related to social holiday etiquette, and the general feeling that you are perpetually running late, your body and mind are begging for a timeout. Forget expensive spa treatments; the cheapest and most effective coping tool you have is good old-fashioned sleep. Think of it as a nightly mental hard reset. Every quality hour you spend in dreamland is an hour your brain gets the best gift of all-much needed rest. Just as Santa gets a day off after Christmas, you should too.
Movement and Relaxation: Go for a short daily walk. Call it "getting fresh air" or "a vital supply run." It doesn't matter. Just move. Your downtime should be for quiet activities: read a book, listen to a podcast or meditation, or just stare blankly into the distance. The goal is simple: release tension and clear your mind. Treat your short break for yourself as the most important appointment of the season.
Finding Your Own Holiday Sparkle
Amidst the chaos of pleasing everyone else—from wrapping gifts to scrubbing floors—it’s crucial to remember that the true 'magic' won't just appear because you managed to hang ten thousand lights. To genuinely enjoy the season, you need to deliberately connect with your own happiness switch. That means prioritizing the little things that give you a dopamine hit, whether it's curling up with a terrible made-for-TV Christmas movie, listening to your favorite music (loudly!), or simply taking a moment of quiet gratitude before the next wave of holiday duties hits. Stop chasing the idealized image of perfect joy and focus on cultivating your own authentic sense of well-being. You can’t control diversions but you can control how you accept them. After all, a happy you is the best present you can give everyone else—and yourself!
Still having trouble finding your inner cheer? Listen to my most recent YouTube video meditation to turn your holiday frown upside down 😊
Facial Relaxation & Positive Mind Shift 10-Minute Meditation
Turn Your Frown Upside Down & Find Your Inner Smile
Channel Your Senses:
If you’re a regular reader, you know I always preach about using your senses to find your calm. This blog is no different, but today we’re kicking things up a notch. Since the holidays are packed with novel smells, sounds, and tastes, they give us a great opportunity to mindfully connect to our sensory system for relaxation.
Taste: The Slow-Mo Feast. The holiday season is a smorgasbord of unique flavors: peppermint lattes, spiced cider, and 50 different types of cookies. Instead of speed-eating your way through the dessert tray, slow down. Pick one seasonal delight, take a tiny bite, close your eyes, and really taste it. Notice the texture, the smell, and the childhood nostalgia it brings. It's less a snack, more a mini delicious meditation.
Touch: Texture as Therapy. Mindfully engage your sense of touch. Run your hand over the texture of wrapping paper or holiday decorations such as ornaments, luxuriate in the softness of a cozy blanket, or bask in the cool or warm smooth surface of a festive mug filled with your favorite holiday drink.
Hear: The Sound of Silence (or Sleigh Bells). Whether you love or hate holiday music, there are also other grounding sounds. Close your eyes and focus on the crackle of a fire, the quiet sound of cool winter wind outside, or the sound of laughter as kids play in the snow or open their gifts. If that fails, retreat to the bathroom for 60 seconds of complete, blissful silence (or the sound of your own deep breathing).
See: Visualizing Calm. Focus on the novelty of the holiday environment. Pick one thing to really look at such as a twinkling light, the patterns on different holiday cookies, the detail on a festive decoration, or the unique pattern of a flame. This focused, visual task forces your brain to stop cycling through your to-do list and instead anchors you to the present moment. You can also try visualizing your favorite holiday memories, and if you struggle with that-your favorite holiday movies (even if it is Die Hard).
Smell: A Whiff of Wellness. The holiday season is a perfume counter of specific scents such pine needles, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla, and the comforting smell of baked pastries. Take a deep slow breath and let the most pleasing holiday scent available, whether a candle or a fresh batch of cookies, fill your mind. This is one of the fastest ways to activate your "rest and digest" mode. If all else fails, a mindful whiff of a calming essential oil (they even have roll-ons) such as peppermint is your discreet exit strategy.
Consider: Which sense(s) can you actively engage in this holiday season?
Remember, holiday stress isn't just "in your head," it's a legitimate challenge to your ability to plan, buffer your emotions, and calm your nervous system. The holidays can be a pop quiz on your psychological resilience, but by preparing ahead of time, you can earn your holiday Black Belt.
You now have the tools:
Stop the Useless Worrying and start Productive Planning (which mostly means lowering the bar).
Use your breath to physically calm your body when your in-laws ask about your life choices. Breathing is free!
Embrace the Retreat! Treat alone time like a five-star spa treatment.
Find enjoyment in the holiday season. Connect to your inner ho-ho-ho rather than your inner bah-humbug. Focus on what makes you feel light.
Use your senses! The best present you can give to yourself is already within you. Open yourself to your own delight in every sight, smell, taste, sound, and sensation.
Struggling with seasonal sadness? Check out my past blogs on managing holiday woes.
How To Bring More Joy To Your World
Holiday Blues From Holiday Foods
Outsmart The Winter Blues
If you would like a summary of this blog check out the companion audio below:
