Share Feelings to Succeed

The Productivity of Emotions

The Case for Sharing

You may have been told to “leave your feelings at the door” in professional settings, to power through emotional turmoil in your personal life, or to view your emotions as inconvenient distractions from the ‘real work’ of achieving your goals. But what if this conventional wisdom is not only wrong but is actively hindering your success? The truth is, sharing feelings isn't a sign of weakness or a detour from productivity, it can actually be a direct and powerful path to accomplishing a great deal.

For too long, we've been conditioned to believe that emotions are the enemy of efficiency. We picture the stoic leader, the unflappable employee, and the ever-composed friend as the ideal. But a growing body of evidence from psychology and organizational behavior tells a different story. It turns out that acknowledging and expressing our emotions is crucial for our mental and physical well-being, which in turn fuels our ability to be productive, connect with others, and achieve our goals.

Here are some ways to share feelings to succeed:

The Psychological Payoff of Opening Up

When we bottle up our emotions, we create a significant cognitive and physiological burden. This internal pressure can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. Conversely, the simple act of putting our feelings into words can have a profound impact. Psychologists refer to this as "affect labeling," and studies have shown that it can actually dampen the response in the amygdala, the brain's fear and anxiety center.

Sharing feelings with a trusted colleague, friend, family member, or therapist can:

• Reduce Stress and Anxiety: Voicing your worries and frustrations releases tension and allows you to gain perspective. It stops the cycle of rumination, where negative thoughts spin endlessly in your mind.

  
  

• Enhance Self-Awareness: Articulating your emotions forces you to understand them more clearly. This self-knowledge is the bedrock of good decision-making, helping you to align your actions with your true values and goals.

  
  

• Build Resilience: When you share your struggles and receive support, you strengthen your ability to bounce back from setbacks. Knowing you’re not alone in your challenges is a powerful antidote to feelings of hopelessness.

  
  

• Release Stored Pain and Tension: The physical act of speaking your truth can serve as a powerful release, discharging the emotional pain and muscular tension that build up when you hold things inside.

  
  

The Professional Advantage of Emotional Expression

The benefits of emotional sharing extend far beyond our personal lives. In the workplace, an environment where employees feel safe to express their feelings, both positive and negative, is a hotbed of innovation and productivity.

Research has even shown that teams with a climate of "authentic affect," where members feel comfortable sharing their genuine emotions are more creative and better at problem-solving. When team members can openly express excitement about a new idea or voice frustration with a roadblock, the entire team can respond more effectively. Excitement can be harnessed, and frustrations can be addressed before they fester and derail a project.

Companies that foster psychological safety, where employees aren't afraid to be vulnerable, see a host of benefits, including:

• Increased Engagement and Motivation: When employees feel heard and valued as whole people, not just cogs in a machine, their commitment to their work and the organization deepens.

  
  

• Improved Teamwork and Collaboration: Open communication about feelings builds trust and strengthens interpersonal bonds, which leads to more seamless collaboration and a greater willingness to support one another.

  
  

• Enhanced Problem-Solving: A diversity of emotional perspectives can lead to more comprehensive solutions. When one person's anxiety about a potential pitfall is voiced, the team can proactively address it. When another's optimism is shared, it can inspire creative thinking.

  
  

From Feelings to Accomplishments: Making the Connection

So, how does sharing a feeling translate into a tangible accomplishment? Consider these scenarios:

• The Overwhelmed Entrepreneur: A startup founder feeling immense pressure shares his anxieties with his co-founder. This opens up a conversation about workload distribution, leading to a more sustainable plan and preventing burnout.

  
  

• The Discouraged Fitness Journey: A man feeling frustrated and ready to quit his new workout routine tells his partner he's discouraged by the slow progress. His partner listens and suggests they start going to the gym together for motivation, helping him stay committed to his health goals.

  
  

• The Frustrated Project Manager: A project manager expresses her frustration in a team meeting about a recurring bottleneck. This honesty allows the team to brainstorm and implement a new process that gets the project back on track.

  
  

• The Aspiring Artist: An artist shares her self-doubt with a mentor. The mentor’s encouragement and constructive feedback provide the motivation needed to complete a challenging piece and submit it to a gallery.

  
  

In each of these cases, the act of sharing a feeling was not a distraction from the goal; it was the catalyst for the actions that led to its achievement. And if you're a Ted Lasso fan, you can see that by the end of Season 2, his 'emotional armor' had proven to be more of a cage than a shield, and by opening up to the team therapist, Dr. Sharon, he began to dismantle the very trauma that fueled his panic attacks, allowing him to finally start healing and better connect with his team.

How to Start Sharing More Productively

The "how" and "with whom" of sharing are critical. It's about finding the right time, the right person, and the right way to express yourself.

• Start with Self-Reflection: Get into the habit of checking in with yourself. What are you feeling and why? How will sharing help you and your relationship with others? Consider using mindfulness to do that daily check-in to stay connected to how your mind and body are feeling so you can get what you need.

  
  

• Choose Your Audience Wisely: Share with people you trust and who have shown they can listen with empathy.

  
  

• Be Specific: Instead of just saying "I'm stressed," try to articulate what specifically is causing your stress. The better you can identify what is happening within you the better others can help you and you can help yourself.

  
  

• In a Professional Setting, Focus on the "Why": Connect your feeling to a work-related outcome. For example, "I'm feeling concerned about the project timeline because of these specific obstacles." Other are more likely to listen if they know where you are coming from.

  
  

• Own Your Feelings with "I" Statements:  Sharing your truth is important, but so is respecting other people's feelings and perspectives. Focus your feelings related to your internal experience and not on placing blame. State your emotion, not necessarily your judgment of the situation.

  
  

• Before you speak, pause. Separate your feelings from your assumptions. Remember that while your feeling is real, your interpretation of events is based on your own reality and may not be the complete picture.

  
  

• Offer a solution, not just a problem. Guide people on how to help you. This empowers you to get what you need and makes it easier for them to give it.

  
  

• Don't have a safe person to talk to? Consider therapy. A therapy professional can listen, give objective feedback, and offer guidance and non-judgmental support.

  
  

Spend Your Words Wisely

To ensure your sharing is productive, it’s important to avoid the trap of emotional dumping, oversharing, or toxic venting. Keep these distinctions in mind:

• Seek Connection, Not Just an Audience: Productive sharing is a two-way street that invites discussion or seeks a solution. Oversharing is often a one-sided monologue that treats the listener as an emotional receptacle.

  
  

• Consider Your Listener: Before unloading intense emotions, consider the other person's capacity and whether they have given you their consent, spoken or unspoken, to be a sounding board. You want to connect with your audience not burn them out.

  
  

• Gauge the Context: Read the room. Be mindful of the time, place, and relevance of what you are about to share to avoid violating social or professional boundaries or regretting that you were "too open."

  
  

• Ask for Permission: A simple question can make all the difference. Try asking, "Is now a good time to talk about something that's on my mind?" This respects the other person's time and emotional energy.

  
  

• Remember Your Goal: The ultimate purpose of sharing feelings is to build bridges and strengthen relationships, not to create distance by overwhelming others.

  
  

Remember, the next time you're tempted to push a feeling aside in the name of productivity, you're likely ignoring a valuable piece of data. Your emotions are not random noise; they are signals that can guide you toward better decisions, stronger relationships, and ultimately, greater success. Sharing isn't just a "nice to have," it's a fundamental component of getting things done. So forget leaving your feelings at the door. The most productive people don't just invite them in; they give them a seat at the table to help get the job done.

Prefer to listen? You can hear an audio summary of this blog below.

Emotional Expression_ A Path to Success

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